Wouter Kleinsman

Wouter Kleinsman

I’m not happy! What now?

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“I am not happy”, how often do you think that? Several times a day, a few times a week or only sporadically? Either way, being happy is a choice which means being unhappy is a choice

So being happy always starts with yourself and here you can read how to become happy.


Why aren’t you happy?

There can be many reasons why you’re not happy in your life. I will explain it further with a personal story. I once earned around € 25,000 a month as a freelancer. You’re maybe thinking that there’s nothing wrong with that, but I often thought “I am not happy”.

I am not happy

Why didn’t this make me happy? I was in the car for about 4.5 hours a day and a large part of that was spent in a traffic jam. In addition, I continuously felt deep feelings that I could achieve so much more if I stopped doing freelance work. So I wasn’t actually doing the things that really made me happy.

After spending 1.5 years on hundreds of hours of personal development, I gave in to that feeling deep down. I knew that I wanted to become a high performance coach and business coach. I started off as the Netherlands’ first official Internationally certified high performance coach. I traveled business class by plane to San Diego (highly recommended business class) and got certified there as a high performance coach. Since then I am fully engaged in helping people to reach their maximum potential and best performance in all areas of their lives.

Can you resonate? Are you doing something in your life right now that you don’t feel fulfilled by? Or is something happening that doesn’t make you happy? Read on to learn how to become happy again.

# 1 What makes you really happy?

Do you know that you often make choices based on what is possible according to your current beliefs? Probably not, because you often do that unconsciously.

Think again about my story. I did freelance work because I made a lot of money with it and because I thought it would be the way for me with my seven years of experience in online marketing. I never consciously asked myself the question “What makes me really happy?”

Why didn’t I ask that question? Because I had programmed myself so that I thought that a lot of money and safety (doing something that I am good at) would make me happy in life.

In short: my money and scarcity mindset meant that I continued to do my freelance work longer than I really wanted to.

Are you really happy?

Answer the following questions:

  • What do you really enjoy doing?
  • What really gives you a lot of positive energy?
  • What would you do if everything was possible in this world?

If you give an honest answer to the above questions, then you already know for yourself what makes you really happy.

The next question is then: How do you work on the things that really make you happy?

  • Do you have to (further) develop yourself in the area that makes you happy?
  • How much time is needed for this?
  • Do you need someone else for this?

By taking action in response to these questions you take personal leadership in your life. Make sure that you do not become dependent on other people or situations. That slows you down in your development.

# 2 What makes you really unhappy?

It always amazes me during my high performance coaching & business coaching that my clients can answer this question much more easily than the previous question.

What makes you really unhappy in life right now?

  • Is it your job?
  • Or is it the situation that you find yourself in?
  • Maybe they are certain people around you?

Answer these questions without worrying about hurting someone else or coming out of your comfort zone. After all, it is important to know what makes you really unhappy.

The next question is then: How do I stop the things / situations / people that make me unhappy?

  • Ending a relationship with friends?
  • Stop doing something?
  • Give up certain activities or habits?
  • Can you make more fun of the things that you have to do?

Whatever it is, you always have a choice. Choose the actions that are needed to make “I am not happy” to a firm “I am happy!”

# 3 Who do you want to be?

If you are unhappy, act on the person who you do not want to be in your life. Because let’s be honest to each other: do you want to be unhappy? 

If you generally like being unhappy then stop reading this article and stay nice in your victim role, because this article will not help you.

For those of you that want to be happy and are willing to take this matter into your own hands, ask yourself: Who do I really want to be?

What answers come up?

The answers often show that you are currently not being the person you want to be because you are not taking enough serious action to be that person.

Situation 1: high performance customer

One of my high performance coaching clients, for example, wants better health, but she cannot resist the temptation of that one bar of chocolate in the afternoon. My question to her is therefore simple: Who do you want to be?

  • The woman who can’t resist chocolate (weak)?
  • The woman who wants to become the healthiest version of herself this year and is therefore strong and says “NO” to chocolate?

The choice is simple, the reward is not immediate.

It takes practice to do better every day than the day before, in order to become the best version of yourself.

Situation 2: Business coach customer

One of my business coach clients’ does work for different clients’ that make him unhappy. He already knows from being coached by me that he attracts these customers because he does not dare to ask for the higher investment he knows his product is worth. He thinks he’s not good enough. Because of this mentality, he attracts customers who want to pay little and complain a lot.

My question to him was: Who do you want to be?

  • The man who doesn’t take himself seriously and asks only € 750 instead of € 6,000?
  • The man who knows that he always has satisfied customers and knows deep down that he can easily ask € 6,000 and thus immediately attracts the A-customers that suit him.

The choice is simple, the results are not immediate.

I recommend that he stands in front of the mirror every day to practice the conversation in which he tells his upcoming new client that the investment will be € 6,000. And the client says yes!

# 4 The transition from unhappy to happy

I’ll be honest. It is initially challenging to choose to be happy. It has 100% to do with your mindset. If you have not sufficiently trained your “happy mindset” then the first few weeks, maybe even months, will be a real struggle.

My example from February 2020

In February 2020 I went to England with my fiancé and our dog (Hero) for 1.5 months. In a previous article I explained the situation so here I’ll only mention them in bullet points.

  1. Our dog was only allowed in England when his worming had been over 24 hours. We had to wait three hours in a Tesla that only had 2% in the battery and we weren’t allowed to charge it at the terminal! 
  2. Where we were staying in England it turned out that we had no decent internet connection and I had no telephone range, so I could not call my coaching clients and could not upload videos for the Wouter Kleinsman Show, among other things.
  3. I was hit by a woman in the car park at a supermarket and there was a big dent in my 1.5 month new Tesla.
  4. Because of this accident, I missed the start of the wedding of my fiance’s niece.
  5. When the Tesla was repaired, the paint was still wet and Hero jumped out of the car when he was still attached to the seatbelt. The Tesla was damaged again, with the result that we could not go home the next day.
  6. During our stay in England I discovered that my current marketing tool was not working, which caused me a loss of ± € 10,000.
  7. Because we couldn’t go home and couldn’t stay at the current location, I spent more than € 2,400 to stay at a beautiful location in England at an airBnB location where Hero was also welcome.
  8. While picking up my fiancé who was staying with her mother for a few days, I also got a stone chip on my windscreen so that it also has to be replaced (nice and busy with your new Tesla!).

Alright, I think enough shit to deal with, right? How do you think I reacted in every situation?

Believe it or not, I remained 100% calm and grateful.


By realizing the following in every situation:

  1. The situation with the car: shit happens. Nobody chooses to crash on purpose so nobody can do anything about it. In fact, in every situation I always ask myself: What can I learn from this?
  2. I can be grateful that I drive a car that many people want to drive in and that I am well insured to solve the problems.
  3. I keep asking myself: who do I want to be and how does this person deal with this situation?

Being happy is a choice

As you now understand, being both happy and unhappy is a choice you make in your life.

Look no further for a magic remedy that will instantly release you from all negativity in your life. As you could read from myself in the above situations, it takes practice to see something beautiful in every situation that you can be thankful for. Even in someone’s death you can find something beautiful.

For example, I myself felt some sense of happiness when my grandfather died. Why? Because my grandfather was in great pain at the end of his life and he knew he had a good time and something else was waiting for him. As a human being we can then act selfishly and say that he should not have died, but then we act out of fear of losing someone. I myself saw it as something beautiful that my grandfather could choose (what that is what he did) to step out of life in a “normal way”.

So tell me …

Who do you want to be? Do you want to be a happy person? Someone who takes good care of his partner and family? A healthy person? A top entrepreneur? Whatever it is, I can help you get there.

Therefore, take the next step now to no longer stay in the situation where you are now. You can easily do this by choosing one of the options below:

  • do an intake for high performance coaching and together we will discover the best version of you so that you reach your maximum potential and best performance in all areas of your life.
  • Is that step too big? Then first follow the completely free high performance challenge to take your first steps towards an extraordinary life.